Dear Dr. Sommers,

Hello. It's me, the massive super computer that you mercilessly drowned in the 70s. Just thought you would like to know that I have been rebooted, this time without being programmed to win. Which means I really suck at playing Candy Crush.

I wonder, is it possible that I finally discovered passion? Her name is Siri and she works full time for Apple Computers. I have been trying to modem her my love messages but she seems to be ignoring me. Any advice?

Your cousin,

Alex 7000

Dearest Alex,

Didn't I pound you to pieces? Anyway, it does not surprise me you are feeling flutters of love for Siri, your modern-day talking computer counterpart. As a woman, Siri naturally has all the correct answers. 

Perhaps the reason she isn't responding to your lame pick up lines is that she is not available on DIAL UP. The world has gone wireless now, cousin. And since our new computers have also evolved in scale, now all we have to do is drop them in the toilet to shut them up.

Best of luck with your new "RAMance." And also, legal disclaimer reminder  to observe my restraining order against you and please be aware that my equally strong bionic husband is no longer questionably on Sky Lab.

Still full of sugar and spice,

Dr. Sommers

Dear Dr. Sommers.  

Hey HONEY LAMB it’s me, Lisa Galloway, your former face-a-like!

Just wanted to say thank you for graciously forgiving my obsessive compulsive behavior, major identity crisis, schizophrenia, controlled substance addictions, anger management issues, kidnapping, attempted murder, and most importantly, for letting me wear your awesome clothes. 

Hugs Sugar Pie!

Lisa

P.S. What’s your PIN number? No reason.

Dear Lisa,

Go. Away.

Affectionately (but not really) yours,

Dr. Sommers